


Not a Problem

by scooterbooter



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Corrupted Steven Universe, Dark, Depression, Drug Abuse, Hearing Voices, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Potentially triggering, Sad and Happy, Steven Universe Future, Steven Universe Future Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22759501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scooterbooter/pseuds/scooterbooter
Summary: "He looked up at the brilliant sky above him, and usually the stars and the constellations filled him with a sense of joy and wonder- but not anymore. Now Steven was feeling very small, very stupid, and very sad." OR: Steven finds solace in certain questionable behaviors which he never thought he would indulge.  **please mind the tags, this may be triggering to certain individuals with mental health or substance abuse problems**
Comments: 43
Kudos: 201





	1. In the Dead of Night

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: If you struggle with mental illness such as depression, psychotic disorders, anxiety, or substance abuse, please be careful when reading this fic, as it may trigger you. Thank you for reading, and please leave a review if you'd like.

A cool breeze whispered through the trees of the clearing. Overhead, the lack of light pollution allowed for a brilliant night sky to shine down, dimly lighting the small secluded area with the faint glow of the stars. Crickets chirped and the ocean waves lapped against the shores in the distance, playing the gentle cadence of summer. Steven was usually one to sit back and notice each detail of Earth’s natural beauty, but tonight was different. Tonight, he had other things on his mind.

He glanced down at his phone for the millionth time, and for the millionth time there was just his lock screen. No messages, no notifications. Nothing. He sighed. _Nobody needs you anymore,_ whispered a tiny little voice in his head. _They’ve all moved on without you. They’re happier now._

“Shut up…” he snapped, seemingly unaware of the fact that it was not normal to argue with yourself. 

Lately things were… tough. Change had happened before for him, sure, but it had usually been following some sort of long-reaching struggle or goal; the changes had been connected, served a purpose with a (mostly) foreseeable outcome. But these days, the changes seemed nonsensical, out of his control, unpredictable. And he was struggling to cope with it all.

He thought about all the sudden new developments with a heavy heart. All his friends were finding something new for themselves, something different.Things he never thought would happen were happening, and it left him feeling a bit nauseous and twisted up inside. His stomach rumbled. He was hungry for normalcy.

Lars, headed back into space. _Guess all that bonding and emotional vulnerability were for nothing,_ taunted the voice. He didn’t argue with that one. Sometimes the voice was right.

Sadie, breaking up the Suspects, getting with Shep- he was reminded of his embarrassing outburst at the graduation, and winced at the memory. _Yeah, that wasn’t your best moment, Steven._ “No way, really?” he replied sarcastically. 

His mind was quiet for a moment before retorting, _Well, yeah. Yeah, really. You made a real clod out of yourself. Other people’s life choices and decisions are none of your business, and you endangered everyone that day because you still can’t control yourself. It seems like everyone’s growing up and reaching their goals- everyone but YOU. You might as well still be that stunted little kid who thought ice cream activated your gem powers._

This made Steven rather upset and he sat up on the hood of his car, running his hands through the messy tresses of his hair, trying to hold back the tears which threatened to escape. He furrowed his brow. “Okay, now that’s a bit harsh. I know I’ve been having a hard time handling everyone else changing, but I’m definitely not the same. I did a whole bunch of stuff before I even turned 16!” His eyes flashed pink and his fist clenched, as if he could somehow fight with his own mind. But this time the voice didn’t reply, and Steven suddenly felt very silly, sitting there in the middle of the woods all alone at midnight, arguing with himself. 

“Ugh.” he muttered. He looked up at the brilliant sky above him, and usually the stars and the constellations filled him with a sense of joy and wonder- but not anymore. Now Steven was feeling very small, very stupid, and very sad. 

“I can’t take feeling like this anymore,” he whispered. He curled up into a ball on the hood, burying his face in his knees as tears slowly streamed down his face. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore! I just want everything and everyone to- to- “ His voice broke off into a sob, and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He let himself lay there, crying and shaking and hating his life for a good hour.

_So what are you gonna do about it, Steven?_

He sniffled and wiped his face on the sleeves of his pink jacket. “W-what? What do you mean?”

_I meeean, how are you gonna handle this in the long run? Just gonna cry it out here every night until you grow up and get over it? Or are you gonna DO something, crybaby? God, look at you. You’re 17 years old and you’re losing your shit because you can’t control other people. Doesn’t sound so different from the woman you spent years trying to convince everyone you weren’t. Pathetic. Get up._

The comment about his mother sent a pang right into his heart. But as usual, he stuffed that pang deep into the recesses of his mind. It hurt too much. 

He considered what the voice was saying, and he decided as mean as it was, it was right. He couldn’t just sit here and sulk and cry for the rest of his life. He did, in fact, need to find something to do. Something to take the pain away, to keep him distracted and to stop dwelling on things he couldn’t control. 

_Now that’s what I like to hear,_ said the voice in a pleased tone. ‘Wow,’ thought Steven. ‘It has nuance and tones now, huh. Should I be concerned?’

_No. I’m just an extension of you- you have nuance and stuff so why shouldn’t I? Think of me as your conscience. Stick with me, Steven, and we’ll have a good time. Now. I want you to get in the Dondai, we’re going for a little ride._

Steven tried to think of a reason to not listen to the voice, but his mind was worn out and fuzzy from all the emotional turbulence of the past few weeks. He was simply too mentally exhausted to try and argue, and it’s not like he had anything better to do. 

So he slid off the hood of his car and got into the driver’s seat. He didn’t buckle up, and gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. “Okay. Where to, then?”

The voice chuckled. _Think of me as your doctor. We’re going to get you something to take the pain away._


	2. Something is Wrong

Steven had been driving for what felt like forever, but as time rolled on, he found himself caring less and less. He glanced at the cupholder which held Sadie and Shep’s cassette tape, and found himself getting angry. _Yeah, how could Sadie just break up the band like that? And how could she just talk smack about the sound the Suspects made as if she is embarrassed by that part of her life? She was so excited to be in that band, and she just threw it in the trash to make some cheesy baby music with Shep. And slide whistles are overrated anyways! Right, Steven?_

“Well, actually, the slide whistle is exactly the kind of cool, out of the ordinary sort of thing I like, so-”

_That’s not the point, dingus. She basically said she was embarrassed by her time in the band, which is super uncool to say at a big gathering like the graduation, and then had the nerve to not even tell YOU, the event organizer, that she was changing the whole lineup! Isn’t that pretty crummy to do, Steven? Why do you even have that cassette? Throw that garbage where it belongs!_

Steven was so riled up by what the voice was saying that he forgot he was anti-littering until the tape had already flown out of his hands, out the window, and onto the side of the highway. 

“Oh no! What have I done?” he gasped, slamming on the brakes hard. The Dondai skidded to a halt, tires smoking. Steven jumped out of the car and looked around desperately for the tape.

“Where is it? Where is it?” He fell to his knees in the dingy grass, and luckily for him it was still dark out, and there was no one else around, because all his attention was focused on finding that tape. He cursed himself. “How could I be so stupid and let myself get so worked up?”

_Um, hellooooo, you always get worked up lately. What else is new?_

“Just shut up! I’m sick of hearing you talk. Just be quiet and let me look for the tape!” he growled, pushing through the taller grass further along the side. _You mean the tape in the middle of the road?_ inquired the voice. Steven shot his head up, and he made to turn around and go into the road again when a car whizzed by at an astonishingly illegal speed.

_CRRRACK._

_Welp. That’s that, I suppose._

Steven looked down sadly upon the shattered remains of the tape. It was completely obliterated. He sadly dropped to his knees and picked up the pieces. He sighed heavily and furrowed his brow, getting back up to carry the remains to his car.

“Are you happy now? Look what you made me do!” he shouted, slamming the door behind him and tossing the pieces onto the passenger seat. “I hate you! Get out of my head!” He pulled on his hair and squeezed his eyes closed. 

_I didn’t make you do anything, Steven. I’m just a little voice in your head. You are the one with the power to make decisions and control yourself. Don’t blame me, bub. That was all you who threw that garbage out the win-_

“IT WAS NOT GARBAGE!” cried Steven. “It was a cherished gift from a friend I really care about, and you made me just- just-”

_Stop. You know what, you’re a baby. Just a little itty bitty crybaby who doesn’t know where he stands in people’s lives. If Sadie was really your friend, she would at least send you a text here and there. But no! She skipped off into the sunset with Shep, and that broke Lars’ heart and now he's in space, and you’ll never have the same relationship to either of them ever again._

_You’re an embarrassing little kid still at heart, Steven, and everyone is going to figure this out soon and leave you. It’s already happening._

Steven fell silent. Tears welled up in his eyes and he found himself crying for the second time that night. “What am I doing?” he whispered. “Why am I here, sitting alone on the side of a highway in the middle of nowhere, arguing with myself? What’s wrong with me?”

The voice chuckled. _That’s a good question. What IS wrong with you? But no matter. As for your first question, we WERE on the way to somewhere to help you stop feeling so miserable. I’m not the bad guy, here, Steven, I’m just here to speak your inner truth and help you move on from it. Don’t be mad at me. Everything I’m telling you comes right from inside your own heart._

He sniffled, wiping his tears away. Maybe the voice was right all along. Maybe Sadie WAS a bad friend, and maybe he was a crybaby who didn’t know left from right. All he knew for sure was that all this thinking and crying was giving him a headache, and he really wanted it to stop. So he took a deep, shaky breath and started the car back up, not bothering to put his seatbelt on for the first time in his life. He didn’t care about safety anymore.

_See, you know it’s true. Now let’s go. We’re almost there._

“Alright.” He peeled off the side of the road, and around the corner he saw it in the distance: Empire City. 

********************

Back in Beach City, Amethyst was more bored than she had ever been in her life. Well, since last Tuesday, but that was neither here nor there. “Ugh! It’s so _boring_ without Steven around!” she said. She laid on the couch, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it. 

It was a beautiful morning. The sunlight gently crept in through the windows, breaking away the darkness of the night, the clouds bathed in its soft pink glow. Amethyst’s next throw was interrupted by the warp padactivating, signaling the return of Garnet, Pearl, and Lapis Lazuli, and she looked over, only for the ball to smack her right in the face.

“Ow! Grr!” she grumbled, rubbing the sore spot on her forehead. “Stupid ball.”

“Looks like someone’s having an exciting morning,” teased Pearl. Garnet cracked a smile as Amethyst stuck her tongue out at Pearl. Some things never changed.

“I am _sooooo_ not, P. I’m dead bored, and Steven hasn’t been home for two days. It’s too quiet!” she complained. 

“I’d be happy to bring Peridot over,” offered Lapis. “She’s good at being loud.”

Amethyst chuckled. “Well, you’re not wrong. Maybe I’ll see what she’s up to later today. But still. Have any of you seen Steven lately?” she asked.

Pearl frowned thoughtfully. “No, now that you mention it, I haven’t seen him in a while either. I wonder what he’s up to? I’ve been worried about him, with all these things that have happened lately with the cactus monster and the Little Homeworld graduation. I hope he’s okay.” She leaned back on the counter, wringing her hands. She looked to Garnet. “Where do you think he is?”

Garnet pushed her visor up her nose and thought for a moment. “Let’s go check his greenhouse. He’s been spending a lot of time up there lately.”

They walked up to the greenhouse above the house. The earth/Homeworld flags fluttered gently from a warm breeze. 

Lapis looked out over to the ocean and smiled.”It’s a beautiful morning.”

“Indeed. Steven?” Garnet knocked on the door. There was no answer. She frowned. “I’m coming in.”

A silent pause, and then she pushed open the door, flicking on the light switch.

It was eerily silent in the greenhouse, and as they looked around they noticed something very strange indeed.  
“Oh, man, all his plants are dead!” said Amethyst, walking over to a withering hydrangea bush. “What the heck? How long has it been since he’s been in here?!”

Pearl’s eyebrows creased together in worry. “Garnet, I think something’s wrong, I feel it in my gut. Steven would never let this happen.” 

“You’re right. Something is very wrong. I’m going to use my future vision to see where he is.”

Garnet concentrated for a moment while the other gems watched her anxiously. Her lips pressed into a thin line.

“Steven is in trouble. We need to go, now.”


	3. Steven Gets Drunk and does a Drug Deal

As Steven approached the big city, he found himself becoming more and more foggy in the head. Strange thoughts fluttered around like lost souls in his mind.

_Connie hates you._

_Your dad thinks you are a mistake._

_Lars thinks you’re annoying._

_You are a waste of space._

_Pearl resents you for taking Rose away._

_You’re fat and unattractive. No one will ever love you romantically. People only like you because you’re Pink Diamond’s son. You’re useless. Uneducated. Out of touch with people._

_You would be better off dead, honestly._

Steven swallowed thickly at that last one. He had never thought something like that before, but instead of being frightened as he ought to have been, he instead let the tears stream down his cheeks again. Maybe that was true. Maybe everyone would be better off without him around. After all, he had served his purpose, hadn’t he? There were no more fights to be had, no more people or gems who needed him to fix them. The earth would keep on turning without him aboard.

_Hey, when you’re done brooding, take a left at that light. We need to stop at an ATM.._ directed the voice in his head. Steven obeyed, and saw that he was in a rather unsavory part of the city indeed. 

“Why are we going to an ATM? I don’t even have a card,” he asked, pulling up to the clunky old machine. A dozen security cameras watched his every move, making him shift uncomfortably in his seat. The voice chuckled.

_Check your wallet, big boy._

He hesitated a moment, then pulled his wallet out, unfolding it to reveal his father’s credit card on top. His heart stopped. “What? How did this get here?” he whispered. A growing dread started creeping up his neck.

_That’s right, Steven, don’t you remember? We pulled off that little heist together yesterday. Or did you forget so soon?_ said the voice in a mocking tone.

“Where are we?” he croaked, sniffing back tears. “Why did you bring me here?”

_We’re someplace you can get some special candy that will make you feel lots better,_ the voice replied dryly. Steven didn’t understand. He had no idea what drugs were, except for alcohol, which his father occasionally drank on special occasions.

“Stealing is wrong. I shouldn’t use my dad’s card.” he said, going to tuck the card back in his wallet.

_Now wait just a minute there. See those two guys over there?_ Steven looked across the narrow road to see two men shrouded in thick hoodies leaning against the brick wall of a large apartment complex, smoking cigarettes together. 

“Yeah, I see them. Why?”

_They have that candy, buddy. Take out a couple hundred bucks. We’re having fun tonight._

Steven blinked. “I don’t-”

The voice was coy; it knew exactly what to say to break Steven’s resolve. _Do you really wanna waste any more time feeling this way?_

This gave him enough room for pause. He cleared his throat. “No. I… I’d rather die than feel this way much more,” and with that dissertation, he withdrew the money, exited the parking lot of the bank, and made his way across the street to perform his first ever drug deal, with some guidance from the little voice in his head.

**********  
“That was shady as heck! That guy looked meaner than some of the worst gem monsters I’ve fought.” laughed Steven. The voice chuckled in return. They had left the bad area of the city, and checked themselves into that very same hotel as the night he helped Pearl and his father reconcile their shared love for his mother; although he hadn’t rented the same suite. Instead, they stayed in a much smaller room with a tiny balcony.

The room was still quite nice, however; he sat on the full sized bed, looking out the window to the glimmering lights of the big city.

_Yeah, but we got what we wanted._ the voice pointed out, drawing Steven’s attention to the many goods stuffed into his duffel bag.

“What _are_ all these things, anyways?” He held up a large baggie of what looked like bits of leafy green moss.

_That’s weed. You smoke it, it mellows you out, but for our purposes we’re gonna mix it up a little. Go in the big pocket- there’s a present for you._

“A surprise? For me?” Steven was so surprised that he had a surprise in his bag that he didn’t even stop to wonder how the voice was managing to physically _do_ things like this. He opened the pocket, revealing a large glass bottle of vodka, a few tiny bottles of various liquors, and a six pack of beer.

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Wow… thanks?” he said, although secretly he wished they could have gotten things that didn’t taste like gasoline.

_You know I can hear your thoughts, right?_ the voice said, amused.Steven felt his ears turn red and he coughed. 

“Oh. Yeah. I knew that… Sorry.”

_It’s okay. But the truth is, Steven, the drinks that taste like candy don’t work as strong as the bad tasting ones. Besides, after a while you won’t even be able to taste it at all._

“Really? Well, what am I waiting for. Show me what I need to do to- to stop feeling all this…” Steven screwed off the cap to the little bottles- _Nips, is what they’re called,_ \- and downed two in a single breath, almost gagging at the taste.

“Ugh! That’s so nasty!”

_Not for long. Soon, that stuff is gonna go down easier than water._

As the warmth from the nips spread throughout his body, Steven couldn’t help but hope so. He looked back in the bag again and took out all the things they’d acquired from the shady men on the corner. He examined two nearly identical baggies of crystal powder, although one had cost significantly more money than the other.

“What are these?” he asked the voice, hiccuping a little. The voice contemplated them for a minute, uncertain of which was which.

_Well, one of those is meth, and the other is molly. Although I’m not terribly sure which is which… hmm… no, yeah the whiter one is definitely meth._

Steven was terribly confused. He took another nip, and pulled out his phone to research these drugs, but noticed his vision was becoming increasingly blurry. Ah, whatever, he thought. The voice knows what’s up.

_That’s right Steven, I do know what’s up. And what’s not up is the fact that you’re still feeling bad!_

The voice rang true. His mind was now fuzzier than ever, but those terrible thoughts from earlier still swam through the fog. 

_You’re disappointing everyone you love right now._

_You’re a thief and a liar and your dad will never forgive you._

_You don’t deserve love. You don’t deserve life._

The voice saw these thoughts and watched as the waterworks started back up in Steven’s eyes. _If I had eyes, I’d be rolling them right now! Let’s go to the porch. We’re gonna smoke some weed and stop thinking._

Steven sniffed back his snot. “I wanna stop thinking,” he hiccuped again. He grabbed the bottle of vodka and took a large swig, coughing some back up. “Bleugh!” The voice had been right, however; he was starting to taste it less and less.

He stumbled his way to the balcony with the weed, his liquor, and, at the direction of the voice, a soda can from the vending machine, which he used to chase down another nip. _Slow down there on the liquor, buddy, or you’ll throw it up everywhere._

Steven howled in response; the moon was still full. It had only been a few hours since he left Beach City, and the night still had a few hours to go. “I am- hic- no one’s servant, especially not yours, stupid voice in my head.”

_Yeah, yeah, now you wanna learn how to smoke that out of an empty can or what._


	4. The Panic on Both Sides

“Sooo…. Why, exactly, are we all piled into this incredibly cramped van, interrupting my valuable lessons at Little Homeworld?” inquired a skeptical Peridot, who was, in fact, squished uncomfortably against Lapis and Amethyst.

The sun was bright and hot now, in the middle of the day as the van made its way down the scenic highways on the way to Empire City.

“I’d like to know that myself, Garnet. You didn’t explain anything, you were in such a rush.” added an uncomfortable Greg from the driver’s seat. Also in the van were Garnet, and Pearl in the passenger seat. A less than ideal method of travel, for sure.

Garnet pushed her visor up her nose. Her face was unreadable as ever, yet she was tense, and visibly strained. “Steven needs our help.”

Lapis raised her eyebrow. “Gee, could you elaborate a little on that one?”

Garnet was unfazed by Lapis’ sarcastic demeanor. “I can’t see exactly what’s wrong anymore, but I saw him… crying… and a lot of darkness. It was almost as if he was able to obscure my vision with black clouds and fogginess. I’ve never experienced something like this before, and it cannot be good.”

The gems fell silent at that. “So you think this is some serious stuff, then?” asked Greg quietly. His knuckles were white against the steering wheel in worry.

Garnet didn’t speak, and that answer was the least desirable of them all.

They rode in silence for a considerable distance until the city skyline was visible in the distance. Pearl and Greg shot each other a look and a slight smile. “Hopefully this time has less crying,” she joked. Greg chuckled halfheartedly.

“Yeah.” he said. “Me too.”

******

_Steven. Wake up. We need to move, NOW._

“Wha..? What?” groaned Steven. The very first sense he felt returning to him was the temperature, and boy was he hot. His eyes cracked open, stuck with grime from all the tears he had shed the night before. The sun beat down mercilessly upon his body, and the second thing he was aware of was that he was almost naked- only his underwear was on. His skin was red hot, burned from the scorching ball of gas millions of miles away.

He blinked and rubbed the crust away as best as he could, and groaned. He looked out and noticed he had passed out on the balcony to his hotel suite. Empty nips and bottles surrounded him, as well as a plethora of ash and half-smoked cigarette butts. He coughed at the sight of them, wincing at the burn in his throat.

Steven was suddenly painfully aware of how thirsty he was, and scrambled to his feet at once. He practically fell over himself, stumble-running towards the closest water source he could find- the kitchen sink. He wrenched the knob and dunked his head under the faucet, taking deep glugs as if he had been travelling the desert alone for 40 years. It was a special kind of relief, the kind he hadn’t felt in months.

 _When you’re all set with that, we need to GO._ urged the voice in his head. Steven drank for another several seconds before stumbling backwards to lean on the counter, wiping his face on his sunburned arm.

“What’s the rush?” 

_The Gems are coming. Do you really want them to see you like this?_

This struck fear into Steven’s heart. He glanced around the suite and winced at what he saw. The place was completely trashed. _We don’t have time to clean up. They’re practically here. Pack your stuff and let’s GO!_

Steven sighed loudly to clear his head, and set to work grabbing all his strewn-about clothing, getting dressed as quickly and awkwardly as possible. He picked up anything that hadn’t been consumed the evening prior, and stuffed it all into the duffel bag. All the while, the voice was yelling at him in his head, _Faster, tubs! Get moving! Who knows what they would say if they saw you like this? Run! Go! Now!_

Anxiety ripped through his core, causing him to sweat and make his heart pound. He couldn’t zip up the bag fast enough. “Where? Where do we go? Are they here now?” he panted desperately, beads of sweat pooling on his neck and forehead. He fumbled through his wallet and tossed a couple hundred dollar bills on the rumpled mess of a bed, and briefly he recalled no memory of ever having touched it.

 _We go UP. Go to the roof, they’ll never think to look there._ ordered the voice.

Steven didn’t have the wits about him to question this, and ran out to the balcony just as the door to his room burst open. He whipped around in pure terror, and began glowing pink. His density suddenly increased, causing cracks to appear in the tiles of the balcony floor.

The Gems, led by Garnet, tumbled into the room almost comically, bickering for a moment- “Ow, Pearl, get your foot off me!” - “Well, you get your elbow out of my-”  
“Steven! Wait!” called Garnet, who was pinned under the tangled mass of Gem limbs above her. She reached out towards him pleadingly from several feet away. 

He stood there, with an appearance not unlike that of a wild animal caught in a trap. He clenched his fists to his side, and whispered something to himself. Then he looked back at them with a gaze as cold as ice, braced his knee, and shot straight up into the air with a force strong enough to cause the balcony to crumble beneath him, hurling two large chunks of stone towards the ground below.

“Amethyst! The humans on the sidewalk!” cried Pearl, propelling Amethyst with her spear towards the now-open wall. 

“You got it, P,” she yelled, summoning two whips; one, to wrap around the leg of the sofa, and as she went hurtling over the edge, she threw the other to catch the largest chunk, stopping it a mere few feet above some poor fool’s head. "Lapis! Help!" she shouted, but even in that moment Lapis whooshed by at an incredible speed, and used a water whip of her own to obliterate the other chunk into dust.

Panting, dangling several stories up and suspended between two whips, Amethyst looked up to see something pink disappear over the lip of the roof of the hotel.

“Oh, man,” she muttered. This was gonna be rough.


	5. The Eternal Sleep

Greg stood before the balcony his son had destroyed in his rush to escape. “Oh, Steven….” he muttered. He couldn’t understand. Why was his son acting out like this? Had he said something wrong? Or maybe not said enough? Greg shook his head. He didn’t know.

He turned around to face the gems, who were all pacing or lazing about. “Garnet, what do we do?” he asked.

Garnet looked thoughtful. “Hmm… If we try to approach Steven, I foresee that he will fight us off. But that’s all I can see; everything is murky. I can’t even see what would happen if we fought him.”

“Well we certainly don’t want _that,_ ” said Pearl, who was wringing her hands anxiously and pacing back and forth. “ _Why_ would he want to fight us? We love him!”

Peridot was thinking hard from the corner, staring at the mess of a hotel room. “Why did Steven drive all the way out here and trash this room? What purpose could any of this serve to him?” she asked, picking up a sock he had left behind. She wrinkled her nose. “Also, it smells really funky in here.”

Greg suddenly got a whiff of the unmistakable smell of weed. He hadn’t smelled weed in years; he gave it up when he met Rose. If Steven had been smoking, what else could he have been doing? This concerned him greatly.

“I’m going to go on the roof and try and talk to him,” he said firmly, in such a tone that he couldn’t be argued out of it. This didn’t stop the gems from opening their mouths, ready to speak. “And you all shouldn’t come unless there’s an emergency.” he added sharply. They closed their mouths.

He looked over at Lapis and Amethyst, who had both been very quiet. The blue gem shot him a thumbs up, and Amethyst simply sighed.

“Okay, then. Let’s see if this works. Greg, try not to end up tossed off the roof,” joked Amethyst.

He cracked a smile. “I’ll do my best.”

*****

_Steven. How high up do you think we are?_

Steven glanced over the edge of the roof to the ground, which was many, many stories below him. He gulped. “I- I don’t know. Maybe 50 stories?” His voice was quiet, a half-whisper.

His hangover was vile. He felt like absolute shit. But all the same, his heart was pumping extra loud, blood rushing through his ears with adrenaline from what had just occurred.

He recalled the shocked and worried faces of the gems the moment before he had jumped up into the sky. He felt no shame, however. Something seemed to have snapped inside him, something which had been bending and bending for years and years, which had finally cracked under the weight of everything catching up to him.

All the times he almost died, all the times he fought and helped others. All the times he had been in intense physical and emotional anguish; all the tears he had shed. His life wasn’t cool or alternative like his father would lead him to believe; it was a complete and utter shitshow of pain and trauma. And Steven had been hurt enough.

He was so tired. So very tired. 

A sudden cool breeze wafted over him, and he looked up to see that clouds were rolling in, blocking out the heat of the sun. It was a much needed relief, as there was no shade on the roof of this hotel. He sat on the lip of the roof, and looked out over Empire City.

It was truly a beautiful city, he noticed. Miles and miles of buildings and skyscrapers, all on the edge of a magnificent river, which was still glistening in the fading sunlight.

A drop of rain landed on his nose, then another. Steven was feeling so much and yet felt so empty that he didn’t know where the rain on his face began and where his sudden onslaught of tears ended. He looked down at his trembling hands, still glowing pink.

 _You seem so exhausted, Steven,_ cooed the voice in his head. _Wouldn’t it be so nice to sleep? To sleep forever?_

“Yeah,” his voice cracked, and he swallowed again. He knew what the voice was alluding to, and found that the fear which ought to have been there was missing. He felt completely numb, almost as if he was watching his body through the eyes of an observer and not his own. He looked down at the ground.

 _Imagine flying to sleep, Steven? Just feeling that wind rushing by your face, and then sleeping like a baby on a cloud?_ The voice was almost seductive in the way it enunciated these terrible words. Steven was almost hypnotized by it.

“Yes,” he whispered. “I can… I can imagine it so clearly,” he smiled, thinking of the peace which could engulf him. All rational thought had flown out of Steven’s head. It was just him and the voice now; no conscience, no second guessing, no questions. Just the voice, and him.

He stood up on the edge, his toes ever so slightly hanging off. His face was completely blank; devoid of any emotions other than what could be seen from the mixture of rain and tears dribbling down his face. 

_What are you waiting for, Steven?_

Steven didn’t have a good answer. He looked up at the grey clouds above him, closing his eyes, feeling the cool droplets on his burned skin.

He heard a click behind him, and turned his head in surprise to see his father standing there, eyes wide.

“Steven! What are you doing?” he called, taking a couple steps forward. The look on his son’s face scared him. Before he could advance forward, a wall of pink diamonds appeared, separating the two.

Greg put his hand on the wall and looked to Steven pleadingly. “Okay, I get it, you want some space. I- I’ll go back, but only if- only if you step down from that ledge, son.” His voice wavered, uncertain.

Steven said nothing and turned back towards the city, ignoring his father banging away on the wall, his yells muffled. A high pitched ringing sounded in his ears. He couldn’t hear his own heartbeat anymore.

_It’s time to sleep, Steven._

“Will I ever wake up?” he asked quietly.

_No._

Steven smiled. “Good.”

And he stepped over the ledge.


	6. The Ghostly Beast

The rest of Empire City was busy as always; millions of people bustling around, all with separate agendas. Below the Hotel, a hot dog man pushed his cart by the doorman. 

“Hey, Paul! How ya doin’?” asked the hot dog man cheerfully from the sidewalk, several feet away. The doorman, Paul, waved back with a smile, letting an elderly couple enter the building. 

“I’m alright, Ben, how ‘bout you?” he replied. But Ben did not answer. Instead he looked up and a woman nearby screamed, pointing up to the sky. Ben shouted something and ran away, abandoning his hotdog cart, and the people went scurrying away like ants from the front of the hotel. Panicked and confused, the doorman ran inside the glass doors of the hotel, and not a moment too soon.

He turned around from in the lobby just in time to see a speeding flash of pink hurtle into the ground like a meteor from space, causing a massive explosion of dirt and debris which completely shattered the glass doors and windows of the front of the hotel. Multiple car alarms sounded off from the surrounding blocks; an almost deafening, hellish sound not rivaled from the sound of the impact just a few seconds before.

“Good god,” gasped the elderly woman Paul had let in moments ago. “What on earth was _that_?!”

“Probably a construction accident?” piped in another shocked man sitting a few feet away. 

“They weren’t doing any construction today,” mumbled Paul, in awe of what had just happened. He stumbled through the broken frame of the front door, shoes crunching on the broken shards of glass as he approached the massive crater in the ground in front of the hotel. It must have been at least fifteen feet wide; massive chunks of rock and cement littered the street. Ben the hotdog man’s cart was nowhere to be seen.

The doorman was about to take a closer look when Lapis Lazuli swooped in from above. He gasped and took several steps back. She turned to him with a steely expression. 

“Get back, and stay back.” she said calmly.

The elevators in the lobby burst open, and out came Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, rushing with pained faces to the front.

“Oh, my _stars,_ STEVEN!” cried Pearl, running to the edge of the crater, clutching her hair and dropping to her knees in disbelief. “What have you done?!” she moaned, sobbing.

Garnet slowly approached and looked down into the crater. It was so deep and large that she could not see to the bottom. It was obscured in darkness, as was any further future vision involving Steven. Completely expressionless, she sat down and stared vacantly into the hole.  
“We were too late,” she said quietly.

Peridot landed, having descended slowly from above upon a piece of scrap metal. She looked sadly down into the hole. “Do… Do you want me to… go get him?” she asked timidly. She was not too familiar with human physiology, but even a Gem would shatter at a speed and height such as Steven’s.

Suddenly, the ground began to rumble viciously. Alarmed, Garnet and Pearl were back on their feet in an instant. The humans which had timidly made their way back towards the hole screamed and ran away once again. Garnet looked back down into the hole to see a bright pink light glowing from the bottom.

_”EVERYONE GET BACK!”_ she shouted in a commanding voice, jumping back just in time for the earth and asphalt to burst upward from the ground, spraying the surrounding buildings and cars with massive chunks of rock and metal.

Paul, from inside the hotel, couldn’t believe his eyes. What appeared to be a massive claw rose from the crater, grasping onto the rim. It was followed by a huge, terrifying snout, equipped with deadly fangs and black and pink glowing eyes. The beast ascended from the hole and faced the sky, releasing an ear-shattering roar that broke the entire front of the hotel’s windows.

“What _is_ that thing?” shouted Amethyst, whips drawn again, fury and sadness in her eyes.

“I think that’s Steven!” answered Lapis through gritted teeth. The giant creature roared again, taking a step forward, its weight pushing a large footprint into the street.

“We’ve got to get it away from the city!” yelled Garnet, drawing her gauntlets out. “I don’t think Steven is in control of that thing!”

*****************************************************************

From inside the beast’s mind, the voice which had so taunted poor Steven revealed it’s true self: corruption. It laughed, which to its vessel, the monster, translated as another glass-smashing roar.

_I’m in control now,_ it thought, very pleased with itself. It existed in a black void, taking the ghostly form of a pink, shadowy Steven with glowing white eyes. Far back in the void was Steven’s gem; physically, it existed on the belly button of the monster. 

The corrupted Steven required the gem to still exist in order to take this form, and he had one thing on his mind: to cause as much pain and suffering to the world which it had afforded him. 

_I’ll make them pay. They'll all pay._


End file.
